on changes
and an attempt to see them in a better light, for a change
Centuries ago, a tyrant by the name Changez Khan tormented humans. Today, a tyrant minus the surname and with an S instead of the Z torments us. It sounds similar to the word ‘Chains’ and likewise makes us feel captive.
It is ironic, however, for changes are a sign of movement. How can something that signifies movement make us feel trapped?
It’s such a weird paradox. We belong to generations of waning attention spans. Voluntarily or involuntarily, we thrive in change. We crib and complain about not being able to focus, literally not being able to not change. Jumping from one app to another, changing a song before it ends, or starting a new essay despite having multiple unfinished drafts. At the same time, we are terrified of changes.
Changes are overwhelming because everything and everyone around you is constantly going through them. Your parents age, your friends get married and start families, your colleagues get promoted, motion is everywhere. Amidst the changes you see people make, it is easy to overlook the ones you make. It is important to remember that what you notice in people are the leaps they take, but these don’t happen everyday.
They’re a result of months of gradual motion. You too will take leaps, but it is the small hop of the daily that you allow to torment you. You move, yet you feel stagnant. When you move on a road with other cars, the collective motion gives the effect of no motion at all. How does it matter, though, when everyone is going to the same destination?
We’re so averse to changing that we put it off as much as we can. Until the inevitable happens and a change is forced upon you. Once you’re in the sea, you can’t not swim.
I’ve always found these changes I resisted before they forced themselves upon me as great avenues to just pile up with more changes. It is an uncomfortable process, why go about it multiple times? I’ve found it to be beneficial on a personal level.
If I am going through a breakup, might as well quit a couple of habits I know I should quit. While we’re at it, why not fill the gap with picking up some good habits? Once you’re in the sea and find your rhythm, it becomes less of a survival game and more of a pleasure.
This flurry of changes, all led by one single change that you were forced to make, is the domino effect that can be the positive side of change. You realise so many of these dominoes had been waiting to be pushed, so many tasks waiting to be undertaken.
I often gaslight myself when such opportunities arise. This one involuntary change happened only because I continued this one habit or didn’t go running more often. At times when you’re going through a transition, you look at your old habits with hope of offering some stability, even if those habits might not be healthy ones.
But when you fool yourself into thinking that these were the reasons why the cruel change you were coping with happened, and continue to not do these things, you realise you never needed them in the first place. You kept going only for the sake of it, you forgot how life was before any of those habits entered it. This reversal to a time and phase now forgotten is what torments you, and not the lack of these in the future.
It also makes me think of my dad’s habit of noting down tasks that need to be undertaken and getting them all done in one go. Even if we’re going for a quiet drive even as late as 11 PM, he’d hand me over the list to go through and see what can be done and discharged at that time. While we’re at it, why not strike an item off?
If you’re anything like me and data lures you, find ways to quantify these changes. How many days do you go on without that excessive sugar? How much did you run? How many pages did you read? Numbers might be tormenting, but befriending them is a source of motivation.
I’m terrified of changes as everyone is, but I fail to rationalise this fear. There is no plausible explanation for being so averse to them yet bring up the eventuality of them and I get disjointed. I actively try to change that. Luckily for me, life has pushed me into a major one and I’m coupling it with as many changes as I possibly can.
Amidst the vilification of changing, we forget that they are a sign of movement. It is a beautiful process. People grow and move ahead, one change at a time. Without these, we would just not progress in life.
The Magikarp might seem useless on the outside, all it does is flap its fins. But that is what one must do, not remain stationary, change, flap your fins even if for no good. The result of those days of flapping fins is its eventual evolution into a Gyarados. If it would not have flapped its fins uselessly, it would have drowned before reaching its true potential.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised changes are not an enemy. They are a constant companion to living, ironically. People come and go, situations alter, the process of change has been with me through and through. Although it never gets easier, it only gets more important.
This was an extremely reassuring read. Thank you for sharing <3
Didn't know I needed a word play on Changez Khan today, thanks!!