on hindsight

(looking back, I could've written this better)

Hindsight is a drug, one that gets you addicted upon a single usage. Once you develop the skill of looking back at the past with an evolved lens, you assess each and every moment that you find substantial through it.

What starts as a one time rabbit hole becomes a process that stays with you through life. You keep going through experiences and evolving and so does your lens.

With every revised version of your lens on life, endless opportunities come before you to go through moments of your life again with a new perspective.

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While the idea may sound appealing and even beneficial on paper, it can be extremely limiting. It is also flawed for the reason that the person you are today has no right to assess or judge the person you were then. It is also appealing for the very same reason, as humans, we love to be harsh towards ourselves afterall.

We are a species who are set apart from the rest by the ability of reason. At the same time, it has made us the most unreasonable creatures (individually and collectively) who roam around the pastures of this planet. We, who look for reasons to hate ourselves in the guise of healthy introspection, see the process of hindsight as a gift that keeps on giving.

This is the quandary of life, as you grow and evolve, you keep loathing your past self for not having done things the way you would have now. Is it even growth, or a mere illusion thereof?

The purpose of history was to assess the mistakes made by our ancestors in the past and ensure we don't make the same mistakes. The purpose of hindsight is the same, and we keep hating our past selves using it, not once but ceaselessly, does that not defeat the process? I can't imagine a scenario where hating your past self is not a mistake and yet we keep doing it over and over again.

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If one applies their skills of sanddhi vicched from 8th grade hindi lessons and breaks down the word, we get hind + sight. The word when broken down can potentially mean seeing behind oneself.

The literal meaning when associated with the act only feels figurative. If one does bring down the literal meaning into the physical realm, things start getting spicier.

We do not have eyes on the back of our head. It is impossible to look behind you while you move ahead with your eyes on the path in front. In order to do so and practice the physical equivalent of hindsight, one must halt and take a turn, rendering the whole process counterproductive.

While the physical realm poses a reasonable restriction, the realm of time takes a more liberal approach. The difference, however, is that you cannot turn back in time the way you might in the space you occupy and the path you walk on.

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The problem that is apparent here is moderation. The process of hindsight should not be a hobby and should end at the step where one assesses their past and takes notes for the future self, achieving the true purpose therefore.

I'm not making a case against hindsight. Being a proclaimed nostalgia merchant I can't not look back in hindsight. I'm only trying to pose a question to myself and answer it. The question is whether one should indulge in hindsight and to what extent.

The purpose of hindsight is noble, to learn and improve. The first half of the question is therefore a no-brainer. The second half however, lies in limitation and not exploiting the liberty allowed to us by time. While you may look back, you must remember it is a break in speed and momentum. It is a skill, not a hobby, only to be exercised occasionally and up to the limit of understanding your past errors.

It is pertinent to remember that the purpose is not to judge the past self, for it did its best for what it had and knew. Look back at your past in admiration, you did what you could, and it is a part of what made you who you are today. What you can do now is what lies ahead, not behind.